If the Universe has shown me anything, if all the struggles, failures, setbacks, sacrifices, pain, solitude and suffering have taught me anything, it's that we have a choice in the matter, even when life becomes a nightmare. We can keep going or we can give up. That's the choice.
Some people seem to think they can take shortcuts when it comes to life lessons. They seem to be of the mind that all they have to do is read a book, or a bunch of books and voila, they think they understand how to interact in the world on some 'advanced' level. Yet, it's interesting to discover that a lot of these same people who've read the fancy philosophy books, who think they're so smart and they 'get' it, don't seem to have a clue about how to interact with people in any meaningful way. They're so stuck in their heads or on the legend they've created around themselves, they don't know how to live and BE sincere in the real world with other real people.
Ya know, there's something to be said for feeling your way in the dark even when you're most frightened, alone and lost; for making mistakes, repeatedly; for all the frustrations, poor choices, terrible decisions, trusting the wrong people, being screwed over, or not trusting ourselves when we should have known better; for surviving waves of loss and grief and betrayal; for running the gauntlet, over and over and over again. Bad experiences can cause psychological trauma and emotional scarring, but they can also change you in ways you never figured they would and teach you things about life, people, how to live in a more honest way, and they afford you the chance ( if you take it) to learn a great deal about yourself and your role in the world. Suffering can transform you into a better, more human being.
I don't see how life lessons can just be learned from a book. Yes, books have so much to reveal to us, but books cannot, in my opinion, teach anybody how to BE in this world.
The Universe teaches us this, through direct interaction with the world around us, by way of all those blind curves and fast balls we usually don't see coming, and we can learn the most when conditions seem to be unbearable. How many of us choose to actually learn from the shocks rather than trying to avoid feeling the shocks?
If we choose to live our lives in such a way that everything is, for the most part, cushy and complacent, we have then managed to create for ourselves what some call a 'comfort zone'. We all like living in comfort zones. They're easy to manage. Life goes smoothly. There's a measure of 'control' of our space and the people in it. But I ask you and my self, what is the struggle when you're smack dab in the middle of a comfort zone? Where are the lessons? What is learned when things are easy? This is what I call a skate, not a sacrifice.
Over the years, I've listened to and read a ton of stories told by people from many walks of life, and lost count of how many of those stories turned out to be pure BS, dressed up and sprayed with Febreze. Maybe it's just me and my enormous disillusionment with our species, but I find it increasingly difficult to relate to people who tell me stories that can't even pass the first sniff test.
They don't 'get' your life because they can't, in a million years, even fathom taking even one tiny step in your worn-out flip-flops. They think they 'get it', but they are maybe as far from 'getting it' as the ocean is wide and deep. The 'it' they don't realize they're not 'getting', in my opinion, is: you can't really learn how to BE real in this world from any book. You learn through trial, through deep conscious suffering and doing without, and repeated failure and getting smacked down time and time again. You learn by falling on your face and on your ass, by hitting the ground hard - not by being caught in mid-air and carried to safety every time you slip. These people live so 'carefully' in their expensive shoes and rarely leave their comfort zones, so they seldom slip. It must be a pretty safe way to exist, but what do they learn that's important, other than how to practice avoidance? What are they avoiding? The shocks of life.
Try telling that to the Paper People living in this paper world.
Even if they read or hear about the 'horror shows' others simply call everyday 'life', Paper People can't quite cough up what it takes to elicit some kind of meaningful, genuine, feeling response. The other person's horror show is something far removed from them, detached and separate and so out of their individual comfort zone, it's not even detected on their radar. We see this on a daily basis with regard to what is going on in Syria, Pakistan and Palestine, for example. The Western world is largely immune to the horror being played out in those places where lives are extinguished as swiftly as birthday cake candles. Here in the West, hardly anyone concerns themselves with it and few care at all that it's taking place. Who cares about 'those' people? Shocks are for them, not for us, eh?
Paper People can't fathom at all what it might be like to live in your shoes, or anybody else's shoes - to be forced to endure a 'horror show' day after day after day and still hold your head up and keep going.
Where is the empathy with these people for others?
Moreover, it's been my experience that a lot of these folks seem to be able to spit out philosophical pearls of wisdom one after another, as if on cue, as if they actually know of what they speak (when they haven't a clue) and many been pretty successful at playing this game of masking their true self behind a persona.
All hail the anonymity of the internet, where anybody can be anyone or anything they want to be - that is, until they're OFF the internet. Once you actually get to know them face to face, the masks are harder to maintain apparently. Paper People can't manage, handle or control close interaction with people who are for real. Talk about 'disturbing'. Didn't they teach you guys about that in the books?
Paper People seem to be afflicted with: 'It will never happen to me' syndrome. In more intellectual phraseology, it's called 'Normalcy Bias'. In other words, YOUR horrible little life could and will never happen to them, because they're smarter at playing the game. If you listen to these people speak, sometimes you can practically hear the condescension and denial dripping in the back of their throats. They might as well just get it over with and call you a loser to your face, and be done with the pretense, but they prefer to be false and fake in their interactions and it seems to be a strenuous effort for them to interact with sincerity. The appearance of poise and control must remain in place, and it does, until the mask slips and then they scramble to readjust it. Oops.
Ya see, they're 'better' than you because their lives have never been a 'train wreck', they never broke the rules, they lived 'idyllic and normal' childhoods, and in fact, their lives have been one long continuous 'comfort zone' which they guard jealously and manage with tender care. A trophy life of dressing the part and doing all the 'right' things, knowing all the 'right' people, and being in all the 'right' places at just the 'right' times. Know what I call that? Bullshit. I call it fooling yourself, playing the game, jockeying for position, trying to climb some perceived social ladder. It's the Rat Race and it thrives online as well as in real time. Grow up already.
I'm not talking about growing old. Grow UP. Some people you meet will do just about anything to avoid it, even though they play act at being an adult.
Some slide from one childhood into another, into another, or flit like a moth from lamp to flame, drifting along, refusing to take personal responsibility for where they're at or where they're going.
So I try to relate to all these people, to understand where they're coming from, to place myself in their shoes, to try and feel some semblance of what it is they feel (if they feel), to 'relate' in some small way, by putting myself in their position. That's not such an easy thing to do. Why? I guess my BS saturation threshold level is now very low. I just don't believe the bullshit anymore.
Sadly, the paper people focus more on impression management and keeping up 'appearances' - the appearance of 'having their shit together'. Where's the beef between the bun, people? In my old radio show days, the word 'posers' was used a lot. It's still a good word and I'm still using it for a reason - because they're still out there - in greater number, apparently.
What's out there? Caricatures, avatars, people who brandish swords and wear capes, human-like transparencies, and... parrots. There are wounded people too, but the word 'wounding', in my opinion, seems to be overused and perhaps even misapplied at times, as it appears to be abused and exploited by Paper People who use it to manipulate and take advantage of good-hearted humans who sincerely try to help others in need. Paper People seem to care, alright - first and foremost about themselves. I find it hard to believe that all these people are just 'wounded'.
Seems to me, many of them are the ones doing the 'wounding' - and getting away with it.
Their interests and needs take precedence, rather than a back seat, to the interests and needs of others. Service to Self as opposed to Service to Others. I've got news for you - if all you've got are empty words and hyperlinks, but no life force, no spirit of generosity, no basic awareness of the world out there and the people in it, no genuine care and concern for others, no direct personal experience with what it means or entails to actually struggle or suffer upon which to draw your 'knowledge and expertise', then baby, you've got nothing but a dry well. Consider the possibility of shutting up instead of deeming yourself wise enough to advise others on how to live and BE.
Talk, as they say, is cheap. BS is free. I step in it all the time.
So, someone I respect recently got me thinking about why I'm drawn more to reaching out to certain people or groups of people in the world, as opposed to others closer to home. For example, like why I'm more likely to rally in support of Palestinians and other foreign populations, rather than to Westerners or some of the people around me.
Maybe it's as easy as this: Because the ones I reach out to seem to sincerely CARE - not simply about themselves, but about other people. I can relate to these simple words: Stay Human. No book necessary, but there are some really good ones out there that weave together an exquisite tapestry around this theme, if you're interested.
One of the guys who wrote one of those books is dead. Guess what? He suffered deeply prior to and during the time he wrote his disturbing and powerful book, and it's the world's loss that as a species, we haven't seemed to learn a single damn thing from his passing. He lived a life of Service to Others.
His name was Vittorio Arrigoni. The book is called: Staying Human. There's a book that might teach you something about how to BE.
Why do I feel such a wealth of empathy for and solidarity with strangers across the world, yet feel something resembling disgust when it comes to the majority of Westerners? I perceive a lack of empathy and conscience among Westerners. Is it all of them? Nope. But remember, I speak of my personal experience here. It doesn't look good on the Western Front in the 'conscience and empathy' department.
People don't seem to CARE about other people.
Do I have a 'savior' complex? No, I don't think so. Reminder: capes look stupid on me. Plus, I've got my hands full just trying to save myself from derailment, let alone anybody else. But, I do CARE about other people, more than I can measure in mere words. Maybe that's enough, to entwine the CARE with the DOing. Is it enough to make a difference in this increasingly inhuman world?
There's no way for me to know. Let me put it this way, if I saw some real evidence that the human species is trying to become better at BEing human, I'd probably stop putting cometary bombardment on my Christmas Wish List.
I relate to people who've really suffered, struggled and had to sacrifice on the deepest levels. In my opinion, one big difference between people in the West and say, Palestinians, is this: Here in the United States, the real suffering has not yet begun in full swing, the poo has not yet fully hit the fan for most, and so the majority of people are pretty clueless, sleeping on the train tracks, and by all appearance, don't seem to give much of a damn that the train is coming. They don't seem to care about helping anyone, including themselves.
Apathy and selfishness seem to be the pillars of the West.
How does one relate to horrors faced by people across the world? You live through enough trauma, pain and repetitive setback, it becomes quite easy to slip your feet into another person's dirty yellow flip-flops, even if those flip-flops are resting in the rubble way over there in occupied Gaza.
How can you tell if someone is for real or not? You can't always tell, (not right away) because so many people are such accomplished liars, but there are some things one can observe. Paper People smile with their lips, but not with their eyes. The best way to learn about people, speaking from personal experience, is to interact with them face to face over time. The potential for learning in these situations will likely astonish, if not freak you out. Console yourself knowing that if you run that gauntlet well, you're stronger and wiser for it. The process ofdisillusionment is necessary if we want to grow and become better people ourselves. No, suffering is not fun. It's not supposed to be.
If you've learned about the world only/mostly through books, as opposed to personal struggle with adversity and direct, up-close, hands-in-the-poo, real-life experience, then ask yourself how your level of understanding can be anywhere but stuck at the level of theory. What about that very important human level?
Bear in mind, a persona is not the real person, but an image somebody wants and needs for you to see, an image that props up their own illusions about themselves.
Most of them will parade the persona till the cows come home, unless they're exposed. I've seen this play out so many times, I should just hand the script to the next poser and save everybody some time.
If I rail against injustice, it's only because I know injustice. If I speak out repeatedly on issues involving tyranny, oppression, public humiliation, physical, emotional and psychological abuse, torture and violence, if I cry out publicly or privately against brutality, if I protest, in whatever form, through signs or letters, participating in public rallies, on the radio, or through little scribbles on issues that matter to me, like murder - it is because I know of these things in a very personal and direct way. How? Through suffering. Again, struggle, sacrifice, and conscious suffering have so much to teach us - they're not around just to punch us in the schnoz and leave us all with bloody noses for nothing. We're supposed to LEARN from the punch, the pain and the bleeding - how to be better people.
We're meant to grow up, over and beyond ourselves, to evolve beyond the level of controlling our opposable thumbs to controlling our opposable thoughts, and our runaway emotions.
This is where the bulk of my empathy flows - more toward honest, down to earth individuals who've suffered and care, as opposed to posers. The ones who DO, not the ones who talk about DOing, more toward the people who don't float through life on a pillow that's rearranged 'just-so' under their caboose, blocking out the background noise of real life. More toward those trying to dig a way out of this hell, not just for themselves, but for others, and in the process of expending all that effort and energy, to hopefully learn as much as they can, and to leave this place a little better than they found it when their days are done.
I think the whole thing about growing as a human being, and stretching as a soul, has way more to do with how we live in this time, about the effort and energy we expend to not only study and observe and become aware, but in how we apply the things we learn or think we've learned, how we network and interact in real time with those around us, how often and how sincerely we reach out to other sincere people, including those farthest from us. I don't think that means we have to keep trying to reach out to the BS contingent, pouring on the love, care and empathy to those who are incapable of love, care and empathy themselves. There are more people out there playing games than I ever realized, and I never thought it was a low-ball number to begin with. Jesus.
Maybe I'm wrong here, but I doubt very much people can be taught or trained to 'feel' genuine empathy for others. I don't think we can 'teach' people to really care about one another by trying to force them to do so.
Make someone care? How? No book can give you the true flavor and feel of it. If you really want to understand the suffering of others, you have to suffer. Lose the comfort zone. Challenge yourself to adapt in states of flux and misery. Hold on tight to your humanity in the process and see how the other half - the half you can't 'fathom' - really lives. Step into their flip-flops and start walkin'. Suffer.
The object of the game, as I see it, is to become the best human you can be, so you can be of real, meaningful service to other human beings. Not every person out there can or wants to be of service to others, and not every person wants to be helped, so don't just dive in and make choices and decisions for people without considering what it is they want and need.
Not every 'thing' out there swaggering down the street on two legs is still a human, either, and sometimes, there's nothing you can do for someone, no matter how much you care. People have to want to help themselves, too. If they won't even try to do that, they're in no position to help anyone else, for what that's worth. The thing is to TRY. No book required to figure that one out.
In order to BE more human, you have to be on a first name basis with suffering and hold it in your arms, and in your heart. Yeah, I'm still learning, but I just don't see any other way to do it.
http://www.sott.net/article/267126-Being-and-Staying-Human
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